A mind melted with shrink wrap fumes.

I now have a job. This is a good thing. This job allows me to get things that will allow me to progress in my learning and in turn become a better and more involved member of society. However, I spend a lot of time alone at this job. I am trying to use this time efficiently by listening to audio books or think about homework assignments, or do something that keeps my mind occupied so it doesn't wander. Sometimes I don't do such a good job at keeping my brain occupied and my 3.3 lbs of grey matter starts to snatch at anything it can pummel for a few seconds with its neurons. This sometimes leads to some very interesting results...

To give you a prime example of the bizarre stuff my mind will churn out, I went on a solid 30 minute monologue between this old lady and some Cornell (I think I just butchered the spelling of that, I was aiming for a military figure. I can say the word, but I don't know how to write it. I have run into a few of those in the last few days). One snipped I can remember happened after I opened a box of plastic piggy banks, and all the pigs were on their backs. It went like this. "Cornall, why are all the piggies standing on their heads?"

"Well I don't know Mrs. Partridge. Perhaps it is because of this. As you know, pigs can't look up, so it is hard for them to see the stars. Maybe they wanted to see the stars so bad that they did hand stands so they could look down at the stars, then they may have fallen over."

"Hand stands, you mean like this..."

"That is pretty impressive for an old lady like you, but just to let you know maam. I can see your bloomers."

"It's rude to look at a person's bloomers."

five minutes after this incident I decided I have been standing next to the shrink wrap machine too long this week.

Here is annother example of the madness that isolation can cause.

I am not a conspiracy theorist. But as I sat in the back room pulling orders off the shelf, this came to mind and at the time sounded completly plausable. In light of Michael Jackson's recent passing, it came to mind that the King of Pop is supposed to be dead, right along with the King of Rock, Elvis Presly. But Rumors still go arround that the King of Rock is not dead. It just so happens that the King of Pop married the King of Rock's daughter for a short period of time. What if, in reality, neither are dead. The two Kings have been in contact with each other for years, they have been plannning this "Big Comeback" for their entire life. They would set up the shows, and get all the tickets sold. Then the King of Pop would unexpectedly (and somewhat mysteriously) die. Sales of his music would go back through the roof. They wait for the media to die down a little bit, maybe a couple of weeks. Then it happens. In an epic Thriller style, They both show up "back from the dead" at someone else's concert, together, the Two Kings of Music. They steal the Show. Later they go on the tour they had set up in the first place. It is not just a "come back" to popularity, but a "Come Back" from the grave. Their popularity and ratings and sales and everything else skyrockets through the roof to never before imagined heights as they begin producing crossover songs that they have kept secret, their best works. Michael Jackson finally fulfills his lifelong dream, to top his previous best. This new success, which spreads not only through old lines, but comes alive in Generation X, erases any bad mark or controversy in their lives. They become ever more undisputed Kings of Music.

Crazy huh.. My brain needs a throtle adjuster that I can just pull back on when I'm not doing anything productive with it.

~SB

Don't look the gift horse in the mouth

I sat there trying not to think too hard or be judgemental about the whole situation. My coworker and I folded shirts to be put into inventory and I sat and listened to her talk about Bruce, they guy I was filling in for. The sad part about it was that I used to work here full time and had no problem doing so, Bruce came along later and when I left, eventually took over my possition. Arpana folded shirts and told me about how Bruce was missing work without explaination and about how he didn't always do what he was supposed to do.

I thought back to when I first came home and went to visit my old co-workers. Bruce had hopes that I would get my job back. "You can have my job" he said. As we sat there folding shirts I began to wonder if it was really happening. Were they actually considering letting Bruce go and giving me my old job back.

I came back the next day and as I was routinely doing my job, George came down and talked to me. He had asked previously a couple of times what my summer schedule looked like and he did so again, this time asking if I could work the following week and what I thought of working the rest of the summer. I told him I would think about it. Then as I continued to work, Dave, the one who worked most closely with Bruce came in and said "Well Steve, they let Bruce go." At first, I felt happy. I would have a job again, I wouldn't need to be trained much, I could once again consider getting a car, it is close enough to home that I could bike there.

Today in church I finally looked at my situation. I am now possibly working a full time job, and I am taking a calculus class and a Composition one class. The only day I get off is saturday, but that may be devoured by homework. Sunday I try to avoid homework.

What's more, I have classes scheduled at the same time as all the available institute classes, singles, family home evenings, and many other singles activities.

I realized all of this while sitting in church, I am not going to have a social life for the next month and a half.

I know they say don't look a gift horse in the mouth but this one has a few nasty teeth.

The continuing struggle

It seems I had a premature start on taking over my life. Am I doomed to do this over and over again. Am I doomed to desire controll over my life and then never seem to attain it.

We went on a family reunion last week. I decided I would download a few games for the six hour trip we were about to take. I ended up playing the games for much of my spare time while I was there. Then when we finally got back, I was so physically drained that I would rather sit and play Halo than do anything else. Consequentally I played Halo for the better part of this last week, at least, whenever I was not doing homework.

Of course here goes my over active ADHD brain again questioning everything. It asks wither or not I already have supposed controll over my life, it begs to wonder wither or not I am chasing after something unatainable. I hate when my brain second guesses itself all the time. Reguardless, wether or not it is a fruitless attempt to "take controll of my life" the goal of doing so and fulfilling the vision of my life is something that can give me more focus in my life. So I must try.

I guess the controll of my life would be measured by my capacity to live rules that I set for myself such as doing all my homework on time, or going to bed at a certain hour and waking up at a good time, or journaling regularly. This idea of setting a code of conduct for one self and living up to that code is something that I, and I am sure others, seem to miss to some degree.

So I will be going to bed on time now. That is step two.