On Abandoning projects...

Soo... any of you still following this blog may have noticed the absence of new posts for the last few weeks. Have any of you had the brilliant idea and urge to undertake some large project, such as, I don't know, dissecting a lot of basic philosophical principles, and then you get a little bit into it and you realize that it is perhaps more effort than it is worth. Or perhaps you have found something that was more important to you?

Yeah...

I'll admit, I hate it when I do something like that. I want to show that I can stick it out to the end of something that I have started. Of course this creates a problem. What if there is something more important, more worth your time, do you stick with the thing that is less worth or do you move onto the next thing? Granted this isn't a universal question, There are lots of things you obviously should not so flippantly abandon, a devoted loved one for instance, that is something you should stick to till the end of eternity.

But as far as projects are concerned. I think that this question is definitely applicable. I think that it is important to have a trial period for these sort of things. You try it out, and you find out that it doesn't work. We do this all the time. We take classes in school for subjects that we may not be truly enthralled in. It may be the last class in that subject that we take, or we may even pull out of that class. But was it a waste of time? No. It was an experiment. It was a worthy trial.

We should not feel so ashamed for having tried and failed. In this philosophical project I have failed. It is now time for me to move onto the next thing, the next trial, to find something that sticks.

So... Yeah... I know that this post meanders, and repeats itself a bit. I suppose I will leave you with one gem of wisdom I collected today while at church.

We have a class on relationships in our church. The teachers, (a recently married couple) decided they would try to boost our hopes of getting married ourselves by passing around a wedding invitation for a friend of theirs. They informed us that the friend that got married was close to 42 years old.

They told us his story which for the most part was ho hum to me but there was one part that stuck out to me. They said that this friend's mentality while dating was that he looked at his life like a puzzle and that for the longest time he was looking for a girl to fit the one missing piece of the puzzle, in laymans terms, He had a lot of expectations, and a very distinct idea of what he wanted his future wife to be like. Then he met this girl whom he found he liked but didn't fit the puzzle at all. Then he had this brilliant realization that perhaps it isn't about finding the one that will fit the puzzle you already have, but instead finding the one you want to build a puzzle with. In laymans terms, perhaps you shouldn't have so many expectations, but instead you should just find one you like and try to make a new life with them, if it works out, it works out, if it doesn't that will hopefully become apparent.

So the overall moral. Make The Dang Attempt. Deal with the consequences afterward... Got it? Good.

~Floyd

What is Life?

Since I am tackling the basics to start with, like tackling knowledge last week, I might as well jump to the next large interrogative, defining life. Keeping in mind what was said last week, take a skeptical view of what is here on out expressed in this blog as it is not expressed with the intent to be irrefutable knowledge, but as a system of coherent beliefs, a paradigm, expressed for understanding, a form of two way communication between myself and the world around me.

What is Life? This is one of those topics that, like a greased pig, refuses to be pinned down easily. Many definitions have been brought forward to be put to the test. I will only go through a few of them here, for a more thorough coverage of the various views and definitions I would suggest starting with the wikipedia article life. One of the manners of defining life is the list of phenomena that seem common to much of the life here on earth, namely, homeostasis, organization, metabolism, growth, adaptation, response to stimuli, and reproduction. Of course it is notable to state that Fire itself seems to arguably have most of these qualities. There are also some life forms which seem to bend these qualifications quite severely such as biological viruses (though some will argue that viruses might not be allowed to qualify as alive.)

However, there exists the question of machines and computer artificial intelligence. As modern computer programming becomes more and more complex, there occur programs which take on more and more of these qualities that we see in biological life. Where and how does one draw the line. Should it be drawn? And with that there are also many other questions that branch out into areas such as universal rights that we keep trying to grant to all living things. There are those who fight for animal rights, well what if popular belief could be swayed to believe that advanced computer programming is at some level alive, will there be people who would fight for the rights of the programs to not be erased. Of course that is mostly tangential at the moment, yet it is still useful information for grasping why it may be important to have a belief or a position on this topic.

As far as my belief and position on this topic goes, I take the frustrating position of the existence of a soul. I do this because somehow somewhere there still seems to be independent will in much of life, Much of our actions can be tacked down to biological process and neurological arrangement, but deep down there is still an element of randomness that seems incapable of being fully explained by either. Randomness here implying that there are no absolute laws that dictate outcome other than perhaps statistical law. That is a blog for another day.

So what is a soul? How do we determine if something has a soul and is therefore alive? Is it practical to believe in a soul, or even practical to try and make the distinction between what is alive and what is not according to the possession of a soul? Why abandon the list of biological qualifications? Should I feel bad about killing the bacteria that give me a cold every year?

These are all fine questions. Sadly, I came unprepared to answer them this week. I have been distracted by lovely fourth of july festivities, and friends and family, and other activities. But now that I have a bit of a direction to go. I'll be putting some thought into these questions and I will answer them as best I know how in accordance with my paradigm next week.

Knowledge (It's Fickle)

Knowledge is a fickle thing. Let me explain. I am sure that you have been in this situation before, especially if you have spent longer than 30 minutes perusing the internet. But have you ever been in the situation where you "know" something to be true, and yet there is someone out there who disagrees with you and says that what you "know" to be true is actually false. You try to prove to them that they are wrong and that whatever the subject in question is, it is really true. But they won't hear any of your "proof" and actually will begin to defend themselves and start throwing out "proof" of their own to support what they "know". How does anyone win this confrontation? Can it be won at all? Should it be won?

When both sides have "proof" and "know" they are right, the means of conflict resolution are somewhat slim, either one side has to voluntarily concede to the other, or there is the tried and failed method of gathering your gang and winning by numbers. You could agree to disagree but that doesn't really solve the question of who is actually right and who is wrong, who's knowledge is validated and who's knowledge is a load of candy fluff. You could try scientific inquiry, but either side can complain that the tests weren't conducted quite right, or claim that the scientists were bribed or bought out, or they could simply refuse to believe that it can really be testable, or throw out any one of dozens of arguments to try and trip up their opposition, bringing us back to square one on the subject, How does anyone win in this situation? As far as I can tell, There is none. Not even if one side concedes, because then the two of them are going to meet another person who disagrees with them. And another after that. And another after that. And the conflict will just rage on and on and on and on and ad infinitum. Even if a large number of people were convinced that one thing was correct, does that mean it is right? History contains evidence that perhaps masses don't make absolute proof. There have been popular beliefs that have been abandoned by later generations?

Can the battle for absolute knowledge be won then? That is a dang good question. I think not. I think that the best we can do is stake our position on a subject and stick with it, and agree to disagree if no one is going to concede. If we are wrong, we are wrong together. That is the nature of the beast known as knowledge. Knowledge, as I stated above, is fickle. We can try to predict things, and we can even be pretty good at it, but knowledge about the future is non existent, the best I'm afraid we can do is prediction. For example, you can predict that the sun will come up tomorrow, and for all practical purposes, you are probably right, the sun will probably come up tomorrow, but the fact is that other possibilities could exist, There could be a freakishly fast moving black hole that is approaching the sun from the exact opposite side of the sun where we might not be able to see, and in the night the sun could be absorbed by this black hole. I will say, it is not likely that this will happen, but it could, and therefore I can say I bet the sun will come up tomorrow, but I don't absolutely know it will happen.

Should this battle be won? For pragmatic purposes, No. Just as having genetic diversity among a species better grantees the species existence as a whole. Having a diversity of opinion and belief or "knowledge" helps to keep our social and political systems in a state of balance, and it creates conditions for the existence and development of a wider variety of life styles, skills, problem solutions, etc that may be needed to deal with problems that might arise in the world.

Anyway. So it is my belief that we can have strong enough belief that we can rely upon it like knowledge, but that absolute irrefutable knowledge can not be obtained. (Ironically, and I have seen this happen, there are other individuals who do not believe this basic premise on knowledge outlined here, and they do believe that some sort of absolute irrefutable knowledge exists and that, of course, they possess it. So as I am writing this, I know that there are others out there who would disagree with me even on this point of basic philosophy. I maintain that it is their right to believe the way they do, and I will not dispute it.)

~Floyd

My Philosophy on Philosophy (ad infinitum)

When people hear that I am majoring in Philosophy they give me this incredulous look and always ask “And what do you plan on doing with that?” In that tone of voice that just screams wariness. Officially I am just majoring in philosophy so that I can get into a graduate program... Un-officially, I am going to use philosophy to, how say, guide my life.

I make that last statement with a healthy dose of trepidation for the simple fact that what I mean when I say that I will use philosophy to guide my life is almost definitely not what you understand when I say such a thing. Language is a funny thing like that, it doesn’t always fulfill it’s purpose of conveying meaning like you want it to. Luckily for me, I understand that language is finicky like that and so I can try to elaborate and put into context my misleading statements so that you can understand what the heck I actually mean.

First off let me talk about what Philosophy means to me. In my opinion, everyone is a philosopher, wither they like it or not. Everyone is trying to find some form of Knowledge, or at the very least, some set of beliefs by which to run their lives. This set of beliefs in a whole can be called by different names, a paradigm, a lifestyle, or in my terms, a personal philosophy. Everyone has a personal philosophy even though many do not actively recognize it is there and/or have not found a way to articulate what their personal philosophy consists of.

Everyone develops their personal philosophy through their lives in different ways and at different times. A lot of people are taught a philosophy via their religion or culture and they stick with it. A personal philosophy consists of lots of various aspects, for example, one develops an Epistemological view, which is to say, one develops a means for determining how they individually “Know” something, and what can be “known.” Everyone has different and varying views when it comes to this subject. Some people decide that knowledge is acquired through life experience, others believe knowledge to come from scientific testing, still others believe that knowledge comes from some sort of Authority. Another example is that most people have some idea of how a “perfect society” would work, or they don’t believe in a perfect society all together, This constitutes their Political Philosophy. Some people believe that communism is the way to go, others believe in “good old American capitalism” and so forth and so on. Once again, sometimes people don’t know how to articulate or describe their ideas of the perfect society. None the less, most everyone has a few opinions on the subject of how to run society.

So now back to my original statement. I am going to use Philosophy to guide my life. Do I need to major in the subject in order to do so? Not really. As I just explained above, everyone has their own philosophy, in a sense, everyone already does use philosophy to guide their lives. So then why do I study philosophy. A large part of life is interacting with other people. The more I understand about other philosophies, the more I will be able to intuitively grasp the individual philosophies of the individuals around me, and thus I will understand others more. This isn’t to say that I will agree with everyone’s individual philosophies, because as a matter of fact, I have my own reasons for sticking to my own personal philosophy, just like everyone else. But I hope to be able to set aside my own comprehension in order to better function with those around me.

Thus my life will be guided by philosophy. Not just my own, but by the influence of the philosophies of everyone around me. This is the reason I consider philosophy to be important.

~Floyd

The Philosophy board

I live on the third floor of an old Victorian home. There are two windows in the room where I sleep and they face respectively east and north. This means that, effectively, it is a struggle to sleep in past 6:30 in the summer because sunlight pours through my window about that time, not to mention that my landlord owns chickens who begin to cluck wildly at about the same time.

So this morning, unable to sleep in, I prepared and restlessly made my way to church 30 minutes early, a feat that made me grumble in my previous ward. Due to the fact that I had nothing better to do for 30 minutes and the fact that my church meets in the basement of one of the university buildings, I began to meander the halls and read the various posters on all the department bulletin boards. Most of the postings were for scholarships that I couldn't qualify for, or study abroad programs that I wasn't interested in, but then I came across the Philosophy department board (which I might add was rather bare, much to my dismay, as I am going into the philosophy program for an undergrad) I found on the Philosophy board a notice regarding a convention that was being held somewhere out in Poland about how to fight against the philosophy of Nihilism (click for wiki article).

And that long exposition was just to tell you this.

I really love philosophy. There is stuff about it that I hate, like the fact that there has to be a thought experiments that produce philosophies like extreme Nihilism or Solipsism. But on the whole I love to delve into the paradoxes of our every day living and yet somehow figure out some way to get out unscathed.

Also, it gave me the idea that I should go back through some of the basic philosophic questions and begin defining for myself what my stances on those subjects are and why. And so I came up with a rather extensive list of terms, phrases, or concepts that I am going to be delving into one at a time. Philosophy really is a fascinating subject. If you don't believe me, look at the Wiki article on Philosophy. It's Huge. Also, a little tidbit of info, if you haven't tried this already, Go to Wikipedia and click random article, then click the first link that appears in the article that isn't italicized or in (parentheses), then repeat clicking the first non Italicized non parenthetical link in every succeeding article and you will eventually land yourself on the philosophy page. I am not joking. Try it.

We used to do soapbox nights at a friends house. I think we are going to start that up again.

Returning to the writing desk.

As many of you know, I like to write. However sometimes I lack the motivation or direction to write. Life currently feels busy. I have work, I am trying to focus on getting things prepared for school. There are girls to date and a focus on trying to get married. Etc, occasionally it is hard to find time to sit and write. And normally when I write I don't get more than a page out. This can be frustrating. But I finally did it this week. I wrote in various works three to four nights this week. I hope to keep this going, (though it is going to have a premature break this next week due to a week long backpacking trip)

I am quite pleased with what little writing I have accomplished. I feel that I am getting back in touch with the characters that I have loved and developed so much.

I recently passed my 8600 days old mark last Sunday. So far the 8600's have been off to a good start. I have been writing, I am living in a new apartment. I am going on this backpacking trip. I have been invited by a friend to join a small role play which I hope will be able to keep me in the writing mood. Things are just going well. I am happy. Let it not change for quite some time. And should it change, may there be friends there to lift me back up again.

Back to life as usual

Life is never entirely usual for me. But a time of major transition has just passed. I have just moved from one apartment, two blocks down the street to another apartment. My last two apartments were for me much more a temporary transitional arrangement. I think that this one is going to be a little more permanent. I stayed in my last two apartments about six months and nine months, This one I could see being in for a few years as I continue on with my schooling. I love this house. It definitely needs some fixing up here and there, holes in the walls that need patching and painting, tiles that need some replacing. An extra coat of paint here and there. But all in all, it has this unspoken charm to it, a colorfulness, a motif, age, and lots of stairs up to my apartment. I have grown to love stairs, they make me happy.

I just feel much more at peace here, in this place, with my new roommates, It is a beneficial arrangement. If you have heard about the Meyers Briggs personality profiling test then you might be able to understand that it is relieving for me (an INFJ) to finally live with an ENTP roommate. He is by nature more adventurous, something which I have desperately searched for in my own life, and I am intuitive grounded and a good sounding board, which is something that he also needs and craves. And so we satisfy one another's needs quite well. That and our method of communication is just very functionally good. Even when we are at our worst in our own personal communications (which Ironically may be said to be our best) when words break down and we can't find the words we want, all of our nonverbal communication skills kick in and we manage to understand one another better than we usually understand other people.

As such, in this new area, I am trying to make some changes. For one thing, I am going to try to cut even deeper into my free time and direct it away from video games and more toward writing. Again, I kind of wish I had a role play that I could play for a little while to get me back into the swing of typing and thinking fast and story composition. My brain craves that free form of play. But I have to be incredibly careful with it because I know that I have in the past been easily sucked into the vortex of addiction when it comes to such things. Bah, conundrum....

Well that is life... Conundrums.

~Floyd.

Where the revolution goes from here

While the idea that the revolutionaries could turn into a large movement died out in my mind, I have come to use this little stage in my life as a stepping stone into my current personal philosophy. It is still currently centered around the two principles of differences and understanding. However I find that it is far more refined then when I first started.

Up until today I had several pithy sayings up on the walls of my bedroom that had mostly come from my pondering of the ideals of the revolutionaries. I had them arranged so that I would wake up in the morning to them. Of course this didn't work out so well as I wake up at 5:30 ish and had to get moving from the moment I popped out from under the covers, I didn't have much time to sit and read through the sayings in the morning. I took the opportunity to read through some of them today and surprisingly found that my personal philosophy has drifted substantially from some of those pithy statements. I still feel strongly about the core elements of the revolutionaries, about developing understanding of people and communications, and understanding and accepting differences. But there were sayings like, "Dream Big and Stick to those Dreams." However I am now fully willing to defend small and humble dreams. The saying was more easily refined in a new saying, "What ere thou dream, try it. If it be good and right, stick to it."

I am currently in the process of attempting to articulate the new and more refined form of this personal philosophy... We'll see how well this goes after this week.

And thus is my life

~Floyd

Resurrecting the Revolutionaries

Against the Irony, and to drive away any remaining followers of this blog, I suppose I shall consciously turn away from the tried and true method of internet success, namely "stupidity", and instead talk about my idealism.

In the last post I mentioned my foray into YouTube land but I never really explained what I did there. If in the future someone reads this, progeny perhaps, and wishes to find those videos that I posted, I am sure you can search my old computers and I will leave a record of them there. For what their worth.

During my stay on YouTube, I started out incredibly Idealistic, I had seen what some of the other successful members of the community were bringing about and I felt that it was amazing and I had delusions of grandeur of doing the same. I had a cause that I was trying to promote, however my cause was admittedly a bit vague and shapeless. I called it the "Revolutionaries" movement.

Unlike Revolutions past, the Revolution that I wanted to bring about was one of the mind, rather than some sort of Governmental Revolution, or Educational Revolution. Granted, if a revolution of the mind occurred, then the Government and the Education System, the Economy and everything else would also change. But that is beside the point.

I never really got very far into my own idea because it kind of lost steam in the opposition, crushed by obscurity. But these are some of the basic tenets of the Revolution of the Mind that I wanted to see occur. I wanted people to understand the semantic problems that exist and realize how inarticulate our communication is. This involved lots of understanding of the concepts of connotations and how they influence everyone's lives. When these concepts were grasped then there is a natural road built to the fundamental understanding of the way in which we understand or learn new things. There is also another natural road built towards comprehending why there are so many disagreements in the world and what might be some of the methods that could be employed in overcoming or understanding the disagreements. Ultimately it is a basic model of how to understand the differences and similarities between people and their personal paradigms.

The second stage of the Revolution of the mind would come in the understanding of the differences in people and learning to cope with those differences and constructively utilize those differences to begin to build better systems. This involves a lot of self reflection and learning to understand one's own self and what your strengths, weaknesses, and preferences are. Then, instead of trying to destroy yourself to fit the mold that society tells you is right, you find out ways to work with yourself to make yourself work. There is a lovely term for this called Life Hacking. Look into it, you won't be disappointed. The trick though is not just learning to life hack yourself but learning to help others life hack themselves.

However, one can see in the realists point of view that this whole plan would not work because, the Masses prefer the stupid, enjoy trolling, only want to get ahead, don't cooperate, etc...

My life is mired in Irony.

Night all, See you next week.

~Floyd

The Irony behind it all...

I like independent films. If you like Independent films I would suggest that you check out Vodo.net as they have quite an eclectic collection of fascinating films. In particular, if you have the time, download and watch the film YouTubeLand. I had the pleasure over the weekend to watch this film, approx 101 minutes of assorted clips all collected from YouTube's grand library.

"But Floyd, Why do we care? And what does this have to do with Irony?"

Well, for starters, if you know me well, you know that for a time, I myself was a frequent uploader to a YouTube Channel. What was fascinating for me while watching YouTubeLand was the fact that I went through the exact same frustrations that every other YouTubber in the film experienced. The internal conflict with the concept of fame or popularity, wanting it yet not wanting it, none the less a fame that never came, the illusionary community that the internet is supposed to provide but yet fails to actually consummate, the frustrating reality that the average human occupying an IP address is not looking for enlightenment so much as they are looking for entertainment, and that this entertainment comes easiest when delivered through the medium of observing our own stupidity as a human race.

This tool, the internet, so long promised by every visionary that approaches it, to be some sort of medium for the sharing of wisdom, for the education and enlightenment of humankind, is used for barely more than a few giggles.

And here is the irony...

While I yet know that all of this is the fact of our existence. I can't help but want to write something inspiring... I want to point to a better way of thinking, I want to point to the exit sign that leads out of this silly theater wherein is preformed the daily drama, not of good vs evil, but of adolescent battle between mere opposing opinion. And I'd love to lead as many as would follow out the door under that exit sign. But every one grabs my arm and leg and shirt and says, "No... we are still enjoying the show..."

And so I continue to pull and try to get away from the persistent giggling...

my life is mired in irony.

~Floyd.

Here's the Noose, People, You decide.

While I may not be a fan of Obama, I am an enemy of Political B.S. And frankly at the moment, Obama is about to become the victim of a lot of political B.S.

Over the past several months, The citizenship of President Barack H. Obama has been called into question and this topic has only continued to increase in volume as time has stretched on. Today it was the lunchtime talking point between my coworkers. While I fully understand the implications of this accusation and the pending impeachment if it holds true and all the rest of the following consequences, I really don't see a logical way through this impasse.

"But Floyd, If he would just produce his birth certificate, that would prove once and for all if he is a citizen of this country."

*Evil glare*

Ok, let's think about this for a moment. Lets say he hands over his Birth Certificate. There are three scenarios that play out from here.

Scenario 1. Barack admits he is not a native born citizen of this country, He is impeached, and all of the rest of the consequences ensue. Tea Partiests have, well, a party.

Scenario 2. So, you have Barack Obama who probably has plenty of access to funds/ bribes/ benefits that he could discretely offer out to top grade forgers who could reasonably pull off making a birth certificate. Then what happens, It goes to some "independent" agency who tries to check the validity of the forged birth certificate. Seeing as there are very few unbiased/ un-bribe-able independent agencies (The count comes to a grand total of Zero) the Birth Certificate goes to some independent agency who is either biased or bribed and they portray their results accordingly. A fight ensues no matter what the verdict is because whoever looses can easily claim that the group was unbiased and or bribed. In the end we still don't know for sure. Or, the Tea Party yells louder and swings the verdict in their favor and get Mr. Obama Thrown out of office. He is impeached and all the rest of the consequences ensue. Tea Partiests have, well, a party.

Scenario 3. Barack Obama really is a native born citizen of this country He produces his legitimate birth certificate. Then what happens, It goes to some "independent" agency who tries to check the validity of the legitimate birth certificate. Seeing as there are very few unbiased/ un-bribe-able independent agencies (The count comes to a grand total of Zero) the Birth Certificate goes to some independent agency who is either biased or bribed and they portray their results accordingly. A fight ensues no matter what the verdict is because whoever looses can easily claim that the group was unbiased and or bribed. In the end we still don't know for sure. Or, the Tea Party yells louder and swings the verdict in their favor and get Mr. Obama Thrown out of office. He is impeached and all the rest of the consequences ensue. Tea Partiests have, well, a party.

Are you noticing a pattern here?

There is no logical way that a snowball will stay solid for very long in a burning crematorium. Likewise, there is no logical reason for Barack H. Obama to give up any Birth Certificate of any kind, it would be like handing over a noose and asking to be hung.

On a personal note however. If I were Mr. Obama. I'd give up. I'd resign. I wouldn't care what they said about me. I would give one final scathing speech about all of the B.S. in this country. I would let everyone have what's coming to them. I would expose as much of the dirty underhanded corruption, and express the sheer ungovernability of this nation, by the fact that we no longer work together, and have individually become so corrupt ourselves. And with that I'd step down, move out of this country, and watch it slowly implode despite the desperate efforts of the government and the people. We'd better all get our act together. It's hitting the fan, and there isn't anything we can do to stop it.

~Floyd

The deadly combination...

I think I have identified the two principle factors which have made my life so darn difficult.

Factor 1. I am an Introvert.

If you are still under the impression that all introverts are people who stay at home and live inside their room and are pale and play video games all the time, Then it is time for an update to your understanding of the terms Introversion and Extroversion, please Wikipedia that article now.

It is bad enough that I am an introvert living not only in the United States but currently in the State of Utah which scores higher in the Extrovert category then the rest of the national average. As a rule of thumb the United States of America generally prizes Extroverted behaviors and generally discourages or demeans Introvertism, as can be seen by the very negative cultural connotation mentioned above which you probably believed true till you were notified otherwise. The United States culture has been giving Introverts the short end of the stick for a long time by putting negative ideas about Introverts in popular culture and also paying more for the jobs that Extroverts would normally take and less and less for the jobs that Introverts would be more suited toward. Speaking of Jobs, this brings me to the second factor that makes my life difficult.

Factor 2. I am Dysgraphic.

Chances are, you have never even heard of Dysgraphia, Wikipedia it now. If you don't believe that this is a real disorder, then you might want to open your eyes a bit and watch people's handwriting. Just the other day I ran into someone and glanced down at some notes they were taking and I made the comment, "That looks a lot like my handwriting." He turns to me and says, "It is most definitely mine." but then he turns to me a moment later and asks, "Wait, you aren't by chance Disgraphic?" I answered in the affirmative. I had been diagnosed as Dysgraphic when I was in Junior High.

But why are these two particular factors the ones that make my life so hard? If you can't draw the line yet, let me illuminate the connection...

Most people who are predominantly Introverted generally lean towards professions of art or science as most of this work happens inside the mind and as such is generally more rewarding for an introvert. For me however, art is almost a complete dead end, Dysgraphia has robbed me of a portion of my fine motor skills which would be necessary for most art such as drawing, painting, any sort of musical instrument etc... such disciplines which are difficult for any normal person to master become increasingly difficult tenfold for an individual such as myself.

And science, while I am good at it... I find terribly boring... I have relatively no passion in it.

And so I am.

A difficult being.

Just trying to make it in this world.

~Floyd

What “Is” Love?

Let me make sure I am clear about the question. Most of the time, when people answer the question "What Is Love?" they almost always give connotative feeling answers. Example, "Love is that feeling you get when you are embraced in the arms of your parents." or, "Love is that thing that can crush you when you get dumped." Ok, so I'm not very good at giving examples, if you want better ones, just Google the question and look at the myriad of answers that come back. Now if you actually happened to Google it and look around for a moment, see if you notice the trend that I am talking about. The answers all say how Love effects a person, not what Love itself "Is”"

It's funny, I never really thought much about it till a friend of mine discussed this topic with me, posing this same question. She couldn't quite put it in words yet but she had this feeling that there were not different types of Love, as some would suggest, but that there was one type of Love and that it only varied by strength or intensity. To explain the differences manifestation of Love, such as the difference between parent and child, and two lovers, were due more to natures of the relationships themselves.

Both she and I continued to ponder the matter for the next few days and independent of one another came to the same conclusions.

Love "Is" a condition of connection.

At it's raw, rudimentary, base, it is a literal connection between two people. I don't mean the superficial connection such as, "you like basketball, I like basketball, We're connected." I mean a connection that begins to break down all barriers, and begins to make two things more like one thing. It can be strong, or it can be weak. Nurturing it makes us feel better. Neglecting it, or intentionally trying to break or weaken it, can make us feel horrible. But in every relationship that has any chance of lasting, the connection is the constant.

I can keep going on and on. I'm not 100% sure if this train of thought is right or wrong. At best, the train of thought is still un-polished and messy. But it does introduce several new questions that never could have occurred before. I'll stop here and pick back up with some of those new questions another day.

~Floyd

The difficulties of resurrecting an old blog.

I know that I haven't posted on this blog for over a year. I am sorry for that. I started up my Vlog on Youtube and kept it going for a while, but the effort it takes to produce a well polished and attractive Vlog was slightly more than I could handle. Add to that the fact that I am not so eloquent in person as I am in writing and the fact that I quickly ran out of topics to discuss on the Vlog and that added up to me slowly edging away from Youtube again. So here I am... Writing a Blog post again.

The difficulty with Bloging, for me at least, is that there is so many things I'd love to share, not just thoughts, but emotions, experience, personal connotations as it were. I'd love to have a community around me that I could both support and be supported by when I need such support. Yet, in the society in which I currently live, (Most of you know this but I moved to Utah) it seems as if everyone is absolution burying their faults so that no one can see them. It is like having a problem is not allowed around here. And I can see why. Any time anyone announces that they are going through hard times, everyone is completely willing and eager to "help" and "fix", but no one around here seems to understand the idea of commiserating, validating that yes, life is hard sometimes. And so I feel I must bury my own issues, experiences, emotions, revelations about my own needs etc. And I'm good at burying it, I bury those things so deep that no one without some serious determination can pry at them. But buried inside of me, they burn...

So, I hope to break down some of those walls here. I hope to carefully present the things I've learned and experienced in my daily life in an honest and unapologetic way. And I hope that I will be treated with the same respect as I treat others with.

Will you participate in the adventure that is my life?

~Floyd